Board To Death

  You know, until doing this blog, I wasn't aware of just how many electronic board games there actually were, but it seems they were once quite common. It's kind of a neat idea, adds something to what could otherwise be a dull experience, but I've also noticed a lot of these fall into that grey area of "is it really a board game or is it a toy with a board?". Ask Zandar seems to be one of those. But look at the box. It just oozes that same kind of otherwordly mystique that Jumanji does. Something magical, ethereal, something that, perhaps, we aren't meant to be engaging with but can't help ourselves either. The font, the painting, the overall aesthetic design. It's a thing of beauty. Released in 1992, with a once again uncredited designer (getting real sick of that being a regularly recurring thing) for up to 4 players with a runtime of 30 minutes, Board Game Geek describes the gameplay as such: On their turn, each player draws a quest...

You know, there's just not enough firefighter appreciation out there. Not to sounded like a typical, jaded milennial, but why do sleazy cops get all the attention - all the TV dramas, the film franchises, the childs propoganda disguised as cute dogs - when firefighters, people who are actually risking their lives and saving people instead of killing them because of their skin color, not being recognized at all? A damn shame. Thankfully, someone at Milton Bradley was apparently asking the same question all the way back in 1973! "The Emergency!", also know by its French title " Le Jeu Emergency!" (because everything is funnier in French) is a board game for up to 4 people that pits players against each other in a race to be the fastest to complete emergency calls. Now, and I can't believe I have to say this but I guess I feel it needs to be stated, I get that competition is apparently what makes good business, but maybe, ya know, if an orphanage for blind chil...

  You know, I'm starting to realize that there was a trend of making girly games with the word "electronic" in front of their titles for a while. "Electronic Dream Phone" , "Electronic Mall Madness" , and now "Electronic Enchanted Palace". Sadly, this installment in the electronic girly interest board game isn't by Michael Gray. And, like the other two, or at least like Dream Phone moreso than Mall Madness, it barely registers as a board game because, well, it really straddles that fine line between board game and convoluted toy. So how's this game work? Well, according to our good friends over at Board Game Geek (I don't know if we're actually good friends, we've never really hung out, but I like to think we'd get along well), they state the throughline of the game is as follows: "Once upon a time in a land far away, an Evil Witch captured a magical palace and locked its Good Queen in the tower! Can you and your...

Tornado Bowl is a great example of how, back in the day, they would take anything, regardless of how horrifying it might be, and turn it into a board game. Though, Tornado Bowl is another one of those that straddles the line between board game and toy. But, as with any of the others, it comes with a base and pieces that go on it, so that, in my opinion, makes it a board game. Regardless of semantics, Tornado Bowl is for up to 4 players, and takes around a half hour to complete. There's no designer listed, as seems to be the case for most of the games I cover these days, but then again...what's to design here? You'll understand when you see it. Tornado Bowl was released in 1971 by Ideal, which is kind of ironic because it's less than ideal to be stuck in a tornado. The description for the game from Board Game Geek is as follows: Here's a game for those who like wild and wacky excitement! You set up your pins, then the TORNADO TOP is released...and the frenzy starts...

Electronic Dream Phone, I'm sad to report, is not actually a dating teleservice for Freddy Kreuger, but instead another game catered primarily to teenage girls, who's only interests, according to marketing "experts" are malls and telephones. The game, released in 1991, is yet another that straddles the line between convoluted toy and proper board game, because while, yes, it does contain a board, the board isn't exactly your main focus here. Designed by Michael Gray (who, coincidentally enough, also designed Electronic Mall Madness) and published most famously by Hasbro, Dream Phone actually comes with a handful of alternate names, most of them foreign, and some funny enough to include right here. These include Boyfriend Phone, Téléphone Secret, and Droomtelefoon, which is just fun to say. The runtime for this game is apparently 20 minutes, which seems about right, considering the basis behind the game, as it were, is described by Board Game Geek as such: ...

Once again I have to ask what it is with the horror themed board games. I'm a fan of board games, and I'm a fan of horror, but why are there so many of them? I guarantee they're 70% of this blog at this point! Although, this is a weird one because it's technically not even got a board. That's right, this is one of those rarities that falls into that iffy category of "is it or is it not a board game?" and on a technicality level, yeah, I have a hard time qualifying it as such. But, this is the blog for board games, and it comes in a board game box and so that's that. But yes, this is not technically a board game, it's actually a tile laying game, which, and I can't believe I even have to SAY this...tile laying is not scary in the slightest. According to Board Game Geek, the description is as follows: "Each player selects 10 "spooky" tiles of either witches, monsters, ghosts, or buzzards, plus one crossroad and one tombstone. The...

You know, it really surprises me the sheer amount of horror based board games there are. I mean, on this blog alone we've covered Seance , Slime Monster , Beware The Spider , Mystery Mansion , Ghost Castle , Haunted Mansion , Haunted House , and perhaps more horrifying of all, The Game of Life . For such a flooded market, the fact that horror is a genre that continually pops up in board games is quite impressive, but then again, humans are stupid simple creatures who enjoy being spooked. So then, let's add yet another to the list, shall we! This week, we're focusing on 1986's "Horror House". Also funny how many of these just happen to take place in a particular domicile of some sort, be it a mansion, a castle or a house. With no runtime, no designer credit and the only publisher being listed as Bandai of all people, Horror House might just be the singularly most obscure game I've covered, and that's saying something, considering I thought we'd cove...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages and ethnicity, please welcome to the stage for one night only the great, the grand, the glorious...STEVE CANYON, as he attempts to pilot a jet through a larger burning jet while also making love to two women simultaneously! And, as if that wouldn't be enough of a feat to accomplish, Steve Canyon will be doing all of this...on a board game! Honestly, Steve Canyon might be one of the weirdest we've covered, just because it's got such a strange history (not to mention a Saturday Morning Cartoon title). For starters, the game is actually based on a "popular" comic strip titled, you guessed it, Steve Canyon. Actually, Steve Canyon isn't just a run of the mill filler comic strip either, it was made by the same man, myth, legend who created the classic "Terry & The Pirates", Milton Caniff and ran for over 40 years. But still, even as an enormous fan of comic strips and comic strip archival, what an odd or...

What if I were to tell you that Conspiracy doesn't exist? That, in fact, Milton Bradley has denied it ever existing, and that those who have looked into the game, trying to determine its legitimacy, have suddenly and mysteriously gone missing. Would you believe me? Of course not, because that's ridiculous. But that's what conspiracies are, absolutely ridiculous things that nobody should believe. Then again, there was a period of time where conspiracies were much more fun. When they were more along the lines of "I think there's a giant sea monster living in a lake and the government is hiding its existence because they're afraid of mass public reaction" and less along the lines of "the government is inserting chips into our children to brainwash them into the queer agenda." One is plausible, one is ridiculous. And, in case you for some reason had to ask, the plausible one is the sea monster. I figured that went without clarification, but in thes...

I can't imagine a funnier scenario than coming across this in a thrift store. I didn't. That didn't happen. I just can't imagine a funnier scenario for finding a board game than that. Released in 1981 by Milton Bradley and designed by Michael Gray (once again no artist is credited that I can find but really does 'multicolored squares' count as an art design?), Bargain Hunter is perhaps the local income family version of Electronic Mall Madness. Now you live on the other side of the railroad tracks after some bad investments, and you can no longer afford the finer products in life, forcing you to do all your shopping at a thrift store. Gray is actually a fairly accomplished game designer who, ironically enough, designed Electronic Mall Madness. When I say accomplished, for the record, I just mean that he's successful. Not that the game's he's designed are decent. In fact, a majority of them appear to be novelty titles based on pre-existing IP. "T...