Board To Death

Hey kids! Are you ready to shill out for the government? Think you've got what it takes to kill innocent people and then claim it's for national security? Then do we have the game for you! That's right, this is Project CIA: The Secret Formula. I'm not gonna pretend that this games mere existence isn't surprising, because it really truly is. I mean, most of the time board games are fantasy based, make believe, something ridiculous and over the top that is so far removed from reality that you could never imagine it coming true, like, for instance, how you can supposedly own property in Monopoly. But no, here's a game centered around a very real thing in our world. The CIA. Let's just get one thing straight right from the get go...this box is hideous. The artwork is so ugly, and the almost baby puke green color is an awful choice. Usually a board games box is often better than the game itself, but for once, we have the opposite situation here. This might in fac...

"She walked into my office, you know the type...the quiet but questionable dame, the one you show off to the boys at the club but don't bring home to mother. She told me she was in need of two things; a good detective and a stiff drink. Lucky for her both things could be found in my office." I have to admit, there aren't enough mystery type board games. Oh sure, we have "Clue", and we have...well..."Clue", but that really does run the gamut it seems like. Perhaps I'm not taking into consideration the amount of new board games that come out on the regular (and I'm not because this blog is primarily about classic board games) so maybe that niche has been somewhat filled out more, but I really like the idea of a noire styled board game, and I feel like it's a genre that really hasn't been touched on quite enough in recent years, for any sort of content, really. And it's a shame, because there's a lot you could do with it, espec...

Board games sort of suffered the same fate of movies in the sense that after years of being readily available and considered classics, they underwent a "remake" that was often nowhere near as cool. In board games sense, these often meant updating them for the modern era and making them electronic. Once electronic toys hit the market, board games had to do something to compete, so why not drag out old IP - one which perhaps the kids parents remember fondly so they'll be more inclined to buy it for their children - and redo it with electronics so it appeals to the newer generation? Easy money, baby. So, here we are, back again the seemingly unending well of "creepy building" board games. Between Ghost Castle , Haunted House and Haunted Mansion , I swear, as big a plethora of these exist as crappy B horror movies exist. It's ridiculous. In fact, I could probably just cover nothing but creepy building board games for the rest of this blogs lifespan and still ne...

Without having ever played Forbidden Bridge, I think I can still adequately claim that it's also fair to be called the poor mans Fireball Island. It so clearly wants to be in the same category, just looking at the visual and the overall concept, but it's so watered down, so very simple in comparison, that it's like Baby's First Fireball Island in comparison. This is likely the meanest thing you can say about it, however, so that's good. Much like Fireball Island, you play an adventurer seeking to liberate a jewel from an angry idol, and much like Fireball Island the whole thing inevitably takes place on a large 3d printed board game set in a jungle of some kind (where these sorts of things invariably take place). When the idol shakes, the bridge can break, and the player can topple down to the board below, or players can switch with other players so they don't fall off, or steal one anothers jewel if they land on the same space. It's fairly basic, it's f...

If ever there were a game that was somehow simultaneously super famous and yet not famous, it's Clue. Despite having, just like Monopoly, a million versions published all because each IP that exists demands their own, despite having a goddamned feature film, despite having a whole ass musical and despite being one of the most famous board games of all time...it also has surprisingly little relevancy in the modern world. Maybe it's just because of the slow death of the "mystery" genre, when it isn't a mystery wrapped inside another genre, like science fiction. Nobody reads mystery books anymore, and outside of Knives Out - which, in all fairness was almost a parody more than it was an homage, not that I say that as an insult - there's no mystery movies anymore. Sure, Columbo has made a comeback during these uncertain times, but there's not really anything modern that's pure mystery as far as television goes, and especially nobody attends weekend murder ...