Board To Death

You know, there's just not enough firefighter appreciation out there. Not to sounded like a typical, jaded milennial, but why do sleazy cops get all the attention - all the TV dramas, the film franchises, the childs propoganda disguised as cute dogs - when firefighters, people who are actually risking their lives and saving people instead of killing them because of their skin color, not being recognized at all? A damn shame. Thankfully, someone at Milton Bradley was apparently asking the same question all the way back in 1973! "The Emergency!", also know by its French title " Le Jeu Emergency!" (because everything is funnier in French) is a board game for up to 4 people that pits players against each other in a race to be the fastest to complete emergency calls. Now, and I can't believe I have to say this but I guess I feel it needs to be stated, I get that competition is apparently what makes good business, but maybe, ya know, if an orphanage for blind chil...

  You know, I'm starting to realize that there was a trend of making girly games with the word "electronic" in front of their titles for a while. "Electronic Dream Phone" , "Electronic Mall Madness" , and now "Electronic Enchanted Palace". Sadly, this installment in the electronic girly interest board game isn't by Michael Gray. And, like the other two, or at least like Dream Phone moreso than Mall Madness, it barely registers as a board game because, well, it really straddles that fine line between board game and convoluted toy. So how's this game work? Well, according to our good friends over at Board Game Geek (I don't know if we're actually good friends, we've never really hung out, but I like to think we'd get along well), they state the throughline of the game is as follows: "Once upon a time in a land far away, an Evil Witch captured a magical palace and locked its Good Queen in the tower! Can you and your...

Tornado Bowl is a great example of how, back in the day, they would take anything, regardless of how horrifying it might be, and turn it into a board game. Though, Tornado Bowl is another one of those that straddles the line between board game and toy. But, as with any of the others, it comes with a base and pieces that go on it, so that, in my opinion, makes it a board game. Regardless of semantics, Tornado Bowl is for up to 4 players, and takes around a half hour to complete. There's no designer listed, as seems to be the case for most of the games I cover these days, but then again...what's to design here? You'll understand when you see it. Tornado Bowl was released in 1971 by Ideal, which is kind of ironic because it's less than ideal to be stuck in a tornado. The description for the game from Board Game Geek is as follows: Here's a game for those who like wild and wacky excitement! You set up your pins, then the TORNADO TOP is released...and the frenzy starts...

Electronic Dream Phone, I'm sad to report, is not actually a dating teleservice for Freddy Kreuger, but instead another game catered primarily to teenage girls, who's only interests, according to marketing "experts" are malls and telephones. The game, released in 1991, is yet another that straddles the line between convoluted toy and proper board game, because while, yes, it does contain a board, the board isn't exactly your main focus here. Designed by Michael Gray (who, coincidentally enough, also designed Electronic Mall Madness) and published most famously by Hasbro, Dream Phone actually comes with a handful of alternate names, most of them foreign, and some funny enough to include right here. These include Boyfriend Phone, Téléphone Secret, and Droomtelefoon, which is just fun to say. The runtime for this game is apparently 20 minutes, which seems about right, considering the basis behind the game, as it were, is described by Board Game Geek as such: ...

Boy, if you're really into board games and really into feet, then do I have the game for you. You know, before we get into the details, I have to ask...for all those toys out there that release doll heads one can model and makeover, why hasn't the same been done for hands or feet? I mean, it's okay to release a plastic head with a wig on it that some little girl can play hairdresser with, but not okay to release a plastic hand or foot for the other little girl who wants to learn how to paint nails and trim cuticles? Doesn't seem fair. And I'm not even a foot person, feet disgust me, I'm just looking at this from a practical point of view. Stop ignoring the girls who don't wanna style hair! Anyway, release in 1988 by Coleco of all companies, Footenstein is an extremely basic concept. The object of the game is to simply remove all the bolts from the foot one by one using the "mad scientist wrench" that's been included. One wrong move, and the foo...

Once again I have to ask what it is with the horror themed board games. I'm a fan of board games, and I'm a fan of horror, but why are there so many of them? I guarantee they're 70% of this blog at this point! Although, this is a weird one because it's technically not even got a board. That's right, this is one of those rarities that falls into that iffy category of "is it or is it not a board game?" and on a technicality level, yeah, I have a hard time qualifying it as such. But, this is the blog for board games, and it comes in a board game box and so that's that. But yes, this is not technically a board game, it's actually a tile laying game, which, and I can't believe I even have to SAY this...tile laying is not scary in the slightest. According to Board Game Geek, the description is as follows: "Each player selects 10 "spooky" tiles of either witches, monsters, ghosts, or buzzards, plus one crossroad and one tombstone. The...