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Crossfire

Before its name was adapted for a terrible right wing show featuring smarmy holier than thou fools who actually probably knew less about politics than an actual human infant, Crossfire was a radical board game. Well, it was a game on a board, anyway. Crossfire is one of those that really straddles the line between "board game" and "toy", kind of like Hungry Hungry Hippos. Still, it's absolutely awesome, and if you're of my age (I'm 33 for those wondering) then you likely remember the completely over the top commercial that went with it. Boy do I miss the days when they tried to sell kids games and toys using hard rock anthems. Good times, good times.

To be honest, however, for the sake of transparency, I'm going to admit that I had completely forgotten about Crossfire until doing some research for what games to feature on the blog this month and this one came up, immediately unlocking long lost memories of Saturday Morning Cartoons interrupted intermittently by what can only be described as a 9 year olds emotional power ballad about a game featuring marbles. Created by Milton Bradley in 1971, the object of the game is to score goals by pushing one of the two pucks into the opposing player's goal. This task is accomplished by shooting small metal ball bearings at the pucks using the attached guns. The earliest version of the game featured a flat board, whereas the 90's release board is dome-shaped. In fact it should be noted that, despite the gaming existing since the early 70s, the early 1990s American commercial campaign for this product may be arguably its better-known aspect, portraying the game featured in a supposed near post-apocalyptic future, with the game used for a battle between two young men as "the ultimate challenge"

And while there's no information that I can find on the designer of this game, which is understandable because how difficult is it really to design "semi round structure", I will admit that it's pretty plain and that the box art, the concept and the commercial, above all else, is what really makes this one stand out.

Judging from this box from Ideal, the game went through a radical redesign, and I mean that quite literally. Now, to appeal to the children, the box no longer featured two middle aged men in a battle to determine who owns the more boring tie, but now it features two children in a battle to determine whose father owns the most boring tie. Clearly, a war that will rage on through the decades, passed down from father to son, until a victor eventually emerges triumphant. Also, for some reason, the board in this version looks like a cross between a tennis court and a soccer field. Not really sure what they were going for here, really, but whatever. Either way, I think we can all agree unanimously that the redesign was for the better, though I have to admit I had no idea this game was this old.

But the thing about Crossfire is that its oddness and unique commercial really is the defining aspect isn't it? I mean, let's face it, we remember the song more than the game, and I think that's likely because most people didn't actually play Crossfire. Really, you're just shooting marbles at one another like some kind of miniature pseudo dangerous air hockey table, and there's only so many times you can do that. At least with a game like Monopoly it can go a million different ways each time you play it. In fact, most board games are usually that way. Anything can happen, even if the outcome is ultimately the same. But with a game like Crossfire...it really does come down to one idea and one idea only, and as much as my autism makes me love repetition, even I have to admit that'd get tiring after a while.

I've linked the commercial here for those interested (blogger wouldn't let me embed it properly for some reason, like the site not having been updated in 15 years), because, let's be real, that's what we're all here for.

There's not much to really say about Crossfire, so let's just take a look at the board proper before we wrap up, shall we? Look at this Rollerball ass lookin' arena. It is one of the cooler looking designs, despite being so simple. They really went all out for something so basic, and I appreciate that.

Though, I don't know why this guy on this version of the box is acting like he's about to use The Claw on a small child, but whatever. I'm not gonna track him down and ask him what he was thinking. He has to live with that decision every day as it is.

Crossfire, perhaps more than any other board game featured here, really does somehow capture the whole "extreme radittude" (that's rad attitude, for you plebs) of the 90s in board game format, and I think that alone is an impressive accomplishment. Would I ever play Crossfire? Of course. I'd play anything because I'm weird like that. But I'd maybe add some extra rules to it to make it more entertaining. Stuff like "first person to somehow shoot these marble things out of the arena and in their opponents face has to get punched in the face" because, really, this game lacks excitement somehow despite being made to literally embody the idea of excitement. Every board game needs a "one free punch" rule, actually, I think.

Now THAT would make Monopoly more exciting.

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